Virus or Moral Decay
Jun. 24th, 2005 06:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dreamtouchAt the beginning of the week I was feeling really down, no energy, no mental focus, unwilling to pick up any of the intellectually challenging projects I'm currently involved in. I barely got done the urgent non-intellectual tasks. When I tried to just "snap out of it" I wound up taking a long nap. I also made a serious mistake taking our most important server offfline for an hour. What did I think was going on? Clearly, another sign of my lack of moral fortitude, a sign of my questionable worth as a human being.
The next day, Wednesday, I had chills, slight nausea and a general sense of being under a viral attack. What wonderful news! As my interpretation shifted from functional to organic I let myself off the hook. I took a long nap with a clear conscience. I no longer expected myself to accomplish anything challenging. I was now proud of myself for getting basic things accomplished and giving away what I could.
What a crock it is to be so ready to come down on myself! This is a good reminder of the value of listening to my self-critic: none, zero, zip.
Sher came down with the same thing two days later. So did Amanda. Maybe you, Dear Reader, will get it, or you already have.
I'm pretty much over it now, with most of my energy back and a slight cough. I've just plunged back into the new web framework I'm learning, which I wasn't willing to face at all two days ago. I'm once again reminded of how dependent I am on my body's support, and how clueless *I* am about what's going on with my body.
I made a mistake this morning trashing a system install I'd spent half of yesterday doing. It took only a few minutes to let go of the upset and redo the work with improvements. A slight lack of energy makes mistakes extra easy. It is not a moral failing!
The next day, Wednesday, I had chills, slight nausea and a general sense of being under a viral attack. What wonderful news! As my interpretation shifted from functional to organic I let myself off the hook. I took a long nap with a clear conscience. I no longer expected myself to accomplish anything challenging. I was now proud of myself for getting basic things accomplished and giving away what I could.
What a crock it is to be so ready to come down on myself! This is a good reminder of the value of listening to my self-critic: none, zero, zip.
Sher came down with the same thing two days later. So did Amanda. Maybe you, Dear Reader, will get it, or you already have.
I'm pretty much over it now, with most of my energy back and a slight cough. I've just plunged back into the new web framework I'm learning, which I wasn't willing to face at all two days ago. I'm once again reminded of how dependent I am on my body's support, and how clueless *I* am about what's going on with my body.
I made a mistake this morning trashing a system install I'd spent half of yesterday doing. It took only a few minutes to let go of the upset and redo the work with improvements. A slight lack of energy makes mistakes extra easy. It is not a moral failing!
